It’s been 6 weeks since I went radio silent on my blog. I didn’t do that purposely, but here I am none the less. February ended with a bang, 39.5” of snow (the 4th snowiest month in Minnesota State history), only to be followed by a snow storm in the first week of March. Let’s just say this California girl thought she was going to claw her eyes out. In order to help myself process all the snow and inclement weather, I decided to do the “logical thing” (insert sarcasm here), and start a few home renovations. My thought was that giving myself a project to do, and changing the inside of my home would help distract me from the weather. Did I mention I’m new to doing home renovations? (You see where this is going.)
The plan was to spend the money on a new roof and gutters when the weather cleared up in May, and start a few kitchen updates in the meantime. All of this was circling around a 3 week trip I had planned in April. Well, everything happened all at once. The skies cleared, the weather warmed, and the moment I started work on my kitchen, the roofers decided to take advantage of the weather. The upside: my new roof and gutters are AMAZEBALLS!! And … when the rain started everything worked great! The downside: there was an amazing amount of dust and noise going on in and around my house at the same time. On a side note, my rescue Pittie (who loves men) became the talk of the Roofing Companies front office. She pretty much became everyone’s best friend and got LOTS of attention. In the process of updating my home, delays happened, shoddy work was found & corrected, deadlines were missed and caught up. Four weeks into construction I ended up exhausted. For me, exhausted can lead to anxiety and panic attacks if I’m not careful. (Hello 1 week full of panic attacks). So, what do I do when I’m having non-stop panic attacks, in a new state, without my traditional support system around me? I called my mom. I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but it was one of those times when calling my mom was exactly what I needed. The second thing I did was to reach out to a new friend for support. It took courage on my end to do that, but I needed the help. I am learning that I can by no means do this journey called life alone. When I do, I face plant on the ground and stay there. The third thing I did was get myself into a Pilates studio. Pilates is the form of movement that makes me feel more alive and like myself. Lastly, I rested, and I rested some more. Rest, self care, & dog snuggles are what help me feel sane in the midst of anxiety and panic.
At this very moment I am sitting in the Minneapolis Airport with a storm fast approaching. I’m again put into a position where I can’t control the circumstances surrounding me leaving for my 3 week trip. I’m facing leaving my dog for the first time, and the possibility of missing my connecting flight. Anxiety and panic have definitely threatened me today. The thing that steadied me today was Psalm 28:7. It became my meditation throughout my day. “The Lord is my Strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him and he helps me.” I am not in this alone. I never have to do this life alone. Panic attacks and anxiety do not own me. Exhaustion and home renovations don’t determine how good or bad I feel about myself. God is with me, he strengthens me, and helps me. Be encouraged by the fact that there is a God and a community out there to help you through life. Sometimes you just have to open your eyes and look for it.
Psalm 28:7 NIV “ The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.”